Looking at the Glass Half Baked

Workout Boop for gramma in a wheelchair, that sounds kind of... well, funny, to be honest. - Holly

Why does all the crazy stuff always happen to you? - Amber

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny - Bruce

Pessimists look at the glass half empty.

Optimists look at the glass half full.

I look at the glass half baked.

I've always been the kind of person to find humor in the wierdest things. I laugh a funerals. Really.

My favorite old Aunt died in May of 1988. Her sister died six weeks later. At the second funeral in 1988, I found a dime on the floor. I threw it in the casket. Now you have to know that this was an Italian funeral, complete with hired mourners. People looked at me like I was some sort of loon. My Grandfather asked me why I would do such a thing. I just said, " You know when Aunt Jo gets where she's going, she's gonna have to call Aunt Sadie"

I think it's funny that tonight on HBO, Brokeback Mountain is being followed by "The Nativity:First Look"

I find it crazy that Kate's friend was distressed because she couldn't find any "Baby's First Hanukkah" ornaments.

I love stuff that makes you say "You can't make this stuff up!"

It started out as a coping mechanism as a little kid, and just evolved into a really warped sense of humor. Funny stuff happens in our worlds every day, but usually we are too angry to see the humor in it all. Usually I keep it to myself, but sometimes I just can't.

And yesterday, I brought my warped sense of humor to the Dutchess County Department of Social Services to apply for Medicaid for my grandmother.

When got there, I had to fill out the application, wait on a Disneyland style line to hand it in, and then sit on the Group W bench with Mother Rapers, Father Stabbers, Father Rapers.....well, you get the idea. I had to sit and wait until I was called to review the application with a public service employee.

Somewhere this is where it all went south....

Behind me sat 5 twenty somethings whose conversation revealed that they were unable to work because they were depressed. I couldn't help thinking that if they got a job they would be less depressed. Now I understand depression. I have a bi-polar sister. But she feels better when she is in a manic state and she has money to spend.

I started to judge people as they walked in. I made up stories in my head about everyone that came and went in the hour and 10 minutes that I waited for my name to be called. Who was a crack whore, who was the man who heard voices, who was the welfare mom with baby #9 (that was easy...I can count)

And then it hit me.

There I sat, on the Group W bench, in a Brown Geoffrey Beene Skirt, Lime Green Geoffrey Beene sweater, London Fog Suede jacket, Nine West Shoes, Kate Spade sunglasses holding a Coach Purse, and I realized that I was the freak. I was probably making these people nervous, maybe I heard voices, carried a gun, was a crack whore...

Then I started laughing, and people moved away from me, afraid for their lives.

Lucky for them, Mr Grunch (his real name, HONEST) called me into his super secret office.

I could hear a sigh of relief as I left the room.

The week that was....

Since I have been accused of being too introspective of late, I'll try to make this more less so. It just won't be funny. Bad stuff did happen this week, and I have to touch on that, but for the most part it was an upbeat week.

On Wednesday, Mags turned 16. She got her permit, her dad let her drive. Plink, Plink...

We got a call that one of the parents we volunteer with lost his son to a heroin overdose. Been to rehab...straightening out...graduating from college...getting married...dead. Nuff said. This sucks.

Then later on, I got a call that my grandmother had tried to get from the wheelchair to the bed in the nursing home and fell. My aunt met her at the ER, and I was told she was bruised...but I never expected this. She said that the aide was helping her, and she slipped through her hands. They say that she did it on her own. We don't know what to believe since she mixes up stuff all the time.

Friday morning, Kate and I left for Orlando for the big audition weekend. We were really hungry when we got to the airport, but couldn't get soup at Quiznos because we aren't allowed to take it through security. TSA is handing out 1 quart ziploc baggies so you can put your 3 oz containers of stuff in it.

We got to Orlando at 2:30, rented a car from Enterprise and headed to Lake Buena Vista, where I had Hotwired a room for the night. I have only stayed offsite one time in the last 15 years...and unless it's Super Soap Weekend again...won't again.

We stayed at a Radisson on 192 up near the Gaylord Palms. It was adequate. When I checked in, they charged me and additonal $10 resort fee for use of the pool and fitness center and internet. I didn't swim, I didn't exercise, and I didn't log on the internet. What a frickin racket.

We went to Downtown for dinner, and ate at Wolfgang Pucks. We shared an appetizer of artichoke and cheese dip, I had a grilled chicken Caesar, and Kate had what we lovingly call Spaghetti and Meat Loaf. Make a fist. That was the size of the meatball.

We took the boat from downtown to Saratoga Springs to check out the digs for our April Trip. We were too late for the cookies in the welcome center, but were offered some ice cream which we declined being too full from dinner... The boat captain was from NJ, and since we were the only ones on the boat we were laughing the whole way...On our trip back to downtown, we had the same captain, and people on the boat looked at us wierd when we said "Honey - did you miss us" and all three of us started cracking up.

We tried to go shopping, but in addition to being super soap, it was Festival of the Masters, and everything was packed. I was going to pick up my AP at guest services, but learned that if I picked it up at 9PM 11/10 it would expire 11/10 even thought it was too late to go to a park. So, I decided to wait until the next day. I wonder if that was such a good idea......

Saturday Morning up with the Lark....

I don't think I slept a wink Friday night. I was too nervous we'd get up late and Kate would miss the audition. We had scouted out where we needed to be on Friday night (make a mental image of me driving the wrong way out of the Animal Kingdom entrance) and were ready to go by 8:15. We drove around for about 20 minutes trying to find a Dunkin Donuts without a 35 person line, and ended up in a grocery buying grapes and Evian for breakfast.

Disney had told the applicants to arrive 1 hour before the 10AM audition, and we got there at 8:45 and there were already 20 people ahead of her. After I checked she had everything she needed, I headed to the Animal Kingdom (in the right driving direction) and wanted to play. I paid $10 for parking, and immediately regretted not picking up my AP Friday night. I got to the ticket booth to pick up the AP and lo and behold..they cannot find me in the computer. A supervisor walks off with my Amex card, drivers license and DVC card, and comes back 15 minutes later AP in hand. Some sort of glitch. Next time I better ask for Amber....

I rode Dinosaurs, Everest, and window shopped since Kate should have been done around 11. At 11 I went to the AK rehearsal facility, Kate called at 11:10 to say she was done, but they needed to talk to her, and I waited, and waited...in the hot sun...for what seemed like an eternity. I found another parent (a grandmother) to hang with, and we watched the proceedings from the outside...

You know how in American Idol they come out of the room...crying, happy, carrying yellow papers. It was just like that. Only the papers were orange. The first group that came out was about 15, and pardon me saying so, did not look like individuals Disney would hire in entertainment. Then, over the course of the next HOUR, they came out the door...one, two, three at a time, some happy, some sad, some with orange papers.

At about 12:30, Kate came out, and I could see on her face she was happy. She was offered a position as a Show and Parade performer, and they were pleased to tell her she was in the "Mouse" height catagory. I guess that is like at Hershey Park where you have to be a Twizzler to ride the best rides.

We headed over and parked at the TTC with grand plans of Food and Wine and Pirates. Only one problem...when I got to the gate with the one day hopper I have been carrying around for TWO YEARS, they said it didn't work and sent me to guest services, where the line was 35 people long (just like Dunkin!)

Flamingo Tom rescued us though, and offered a front gate from his work pass. So, after waiting on line to get in (again), gettting our bags checked (again) Tom put his ticket in, and IT WOULDN'T WORK!!! We waited for a supervisor for about 15 minutes, and then the lady at the front gate said...Just go. So, since we didn't use a front gate from Tom's ticket, we didn't head to MK.

Food and wine was OK, but not as good as I remember it from the convention. We ate Spanikopita from Greece, Salmon and Cheddar soup from Canada, Trifle from Ireland, Some eggplant thing from Italy that burned our throats, some chicken from China and quesadillas and tortillas from Mexico. Tom chose the desserts which luckily did not put those 40 pounds he had lost back on...he looks good by the way, and only smoked two cigarettes the whole day...

We rode Nemo (which was cute) and went to see Alice at GF because she had to work a double. At 6:30, Kate hit the wall, and we headed to the hotel.

Our flight was 8:30 Sunday morning, and TSA made Kate throw away her Cliniqué lip gloss because it wasn't in a ziploc bag. Now I see the purpose of limiting liquids, but I don't know why the ziploc bag makes it safer than just putting it in a little dish. Of course the lady next to us was allowed to keep her nail clippers.

The flight home was choppy, and my grandmother's therapist sat right behind us, so I was able to show him a picture of her on my cell phone....

Lord! Make me the person my dog thinks I am.

I've learned a lot in the last month.

I've learned how to turn out a really cool Blogger page.
I've learned that someone in China can make anything you want.

I've learned that people are kind and generous.

In the month since Tyler's accident, I have been deeply involved with a tireless group of individuals. Our mission, to give love and support to Tyler and his family for as long as they need it. Meals are cooked, bills are covertly paid, fuel tanks filled...whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

We sent out an appeal for money. A mailing to the members of the community whose lives we know Tyler has touched. I must admit, I was skeptical and did not really think that we would receive much. I have been overwhelmed.

The local newspaper ran a short article about Tyler and his accident. From just that one article, in the sports pages we have received hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. One woman with small children, whose husband was killed not one month before in the same type of accident, gave $500. People who never met Tyler are sending notes with crisp $20 bills enclosed. One man, who has a severe developmental disability gave us $6. I know it was all he had. All summer at the basketball program. I let him "help" me clean up the returnable soda cans, and he can return them for the deposits.

I think of the woman in the bible. You know the one who could only give two cents...

And all of this has made me wonder.

I look at the list of those who have given, and wonder how many times my name was not on lists like that.

I ask myself if I have been the kind of friend who, if this was one of my children, would I receive the same treatment.

I understand the power of friendship. I know my true friends (internet or not ;) ) are not just friends, they are family. I would go to the ends of the earth for them, I would raise their children if need be, I might even give them a kidney if they asked nice.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.
A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.
A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that fear the Lord shall find him.