Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Imagine for a moment, baking a cake.

Almost every other person you know has baked this kind of cake. Measured the ingredients ever so carefully, agonized over just the right pan and baked...taking care to not let the middle droop or let the edges get too brown.

I baked my cake for 18 years, and yesterday, I left her in the rain.

If anyone had told me that sunny Mother's Day in 1987 that someday, as tenderly as she was handed to me that first time, I would be letting her leave, I couldn't have imagined it. But yesterday, I took my baby girl to college.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Everyone (hopefully) sends their children off to college. It's no big deal. Yeah, Right!

Obviously, you have never done it.

Yesterday morning, I awoke at the same time I have every school day for the last 13 years.

It was the first day of school. We had our normal first day of school breakfast. You know the kind, the kind that you plan to cook all morning. The kind of breakfast that ends up being rushed, and eaten over the sink so that no one misses the bus or gets caught in traffic and misses the first bell.

We drove to the college in total silence, nothing said but a hand, reaching over the back seat to my shoulder, and after a traffic jam (we missed the first bell) we arrived at her hall.

The rooms were smaller and more dismal than I remember my first college day. But those days were different. Our parents dropped us at the door, if they took us to school at all. We brought everything in, and thanks to Space Bags, had more clothing than one college freshman needs in a college career, well enough one semester.

We had lunch, and a trip to the bookstore to buy that sticky stuff you use to hang posters. Then it was time for the moment I have been dreading...time to say goodbye.

Having lived near West Point my entire life, I know about R-day. The day the cadets report for duty and say goodbye to the family they love. Yesterday was my R-day. Without the haircut, and the marching.

Bentley College in Waltham, MA has a highly dignified, convocation ceremony. We were told ahead of time to say our goodbyes before the ceremony started, and I took full advantage of that. She sat near us until the last possible minute, and as The Class of 2009 was seated together, she left with a hug.

Many in her class looked like the "Deer in the Headlights" as they sat there. I didn't see where she went, and at that point was unsure if I wanted to know. It was easier for me to imagine her blending into the crowd of 900, then to look her way one more time. I bonded with the women around me. Almost every one with a tear just under the surface. The rest, the levee had broken.

Part way through the ceremony though, her brother spotted her, and I had to look. Our eyes met, and she signed "I Love You". She rose from her seat, and left the tent, and walked in the rain with the rest of her class, ready to meet the world.

I'd say that I don't know if I can take it,
Cause it took so long to bake it,
And I'll never have that recipe again....

But I have two more cakes slowly baking...and for now they need my attention.