The Fatty Diaries...

I was thinking I was going to rename this blog.

I couldn't come up with a total new name, because it will still be the ranting of a wild woman who speaks to a select few. So, I left well enough alone.

But now it is time to turn my attention to other things. Mainly my fat self.

I was a sickly/skinny little kid. They used to give me vitamins and milkshakes to put a few pounds on my bones. I have been fat since July 1968. I was 7 years old, and I can tell you exactly how it happened.

Some know this story already. My grandfather (on my father's side) was a three shot a day diabetic with a heart condition. He knew that his remaining time on Earth was short, so he decided he wanted to see the country. He had a daughter (my aunt) that was two days younger than me, so he took me along too so that she would have some company. We left on July 1, 1968, I sat in the back of a Chevrolet station wagon, and for the next five weeks we Griswolded our way across these United States.

I get car sick, so there was very little I could eat that wouldn't be left on the side of the road. (I have had "protein spills" in about 35 states though) We found that Orange Crush, Grape Crush, Slush Puppies, Pancakes and grilled cheese stayed in me...

By Phoenix, my grandmother had to buy me new clothes.

Since then, I have been fighting a battle against the added pounds. I come from a family whose entire being revolves around food, we live to eat. Where just about every woman is at least 50 pounds overweight, and where everyone blames everyone else for why they are the way they are.

I blame me, while I have to eat to live, what I choose to put in my mouth is solely my own doing. No one is holding me down and forcing me to swallow, no one is injecting me with Crisco as I sleep. I could blame my family. I didn't have the best family situation growing up. I learned bad eating habits as a child, and old habits are hard to break. I could blame classmates who called me fat and sent me back into a solitude with a bowl of ice cream or a whole frozen pizza. I could blame Mother Nature, who I do believe has some part in the way I am. But I won't. I blame me. I am lazy when it comes to food. I eat whatever is easiest, and tastes the best.

Where has it all gotten me? It has gotten me to 215 at my heaviest. It has gotten me a diagnosis of borderline adult onset diabetes and fatty liver syndrome. It has gotten me to a place where I don't even do my hair in the morning because looking in the mirror is too painful.

Where am I now? Three weeks ago after the "Tampa Incident" I joined the gym. I have been going faithfully, and endure 30-45 minutes of cardio daily. I haven't lost any weight since joining (I AM down 6 pounds from the high though), but I am seeing it in my clothes.

I have a dear friend, I'll call her Terry, who somehow convinced me that I could do a 10K. As far as I know, SHE doesn't work with the FBI. The race is four weeks away...I am not ready.

So tomorrow morning, I set out on my own to walk a route from my house that will take me 6.2 miles closer to glory...or 6.2 miles closer to certain death.

Here's my route:

Picture Deleted to Avoid Stalkers and Rapists...


If you don't hear from me, send out reinforcements. Either I am dead alongside the road, bear lunch or in such pain that my fingers even hurt too much to type.

You have the right to remain silent....

Did you ever wonder why people confess to crimes they did not commit?

How could that be possible? I tell you, it is!

I have this friend, I'll call him Bill. He is a police investigator and works with the FBI. He has been my friend for over 15 years, and has convinced me, against my wishes, to agree to do things I never wanted to do in the first place. Mind you, these things are all good, but his methods of persuasion are so smooth, that I have now realized that he could probably get me to agree that I was the mastermind behind the Lindburgh baby kidnapping, AND was somewhere on the grassy knoll in November 1962.

Why is this important?

I have always believed that should I be arrested and tried for a crime I did not commit, I would not want my fate decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty.

Serving on a trial jury is something none of us really want to do. We do whatever possible and use whatever explaination necessary to get excused. I was only called to jury duty once, and in my week of service, never got to the trial phase. I sat through two pre-screenings, and was picked for one trial, but was "dismissed" since the attorney of the defendant accused of DWI did not want someone who had a family member killed by a drunk driver on the jury. I don't know why.

After that day, I have been jury duty free for the last 15 or so years.

Until yesterday.

I have been selected for Grand Jury duty in the county where I live.

I had a 12:30 report time, and the room was filled with about 60 potential jurors. NYS law requires that a grand jury be 23 people, so some of us were going home.

The court clerk asked if the term of service would be impossible for anyone to do, and about 30 potential jurors raised their hands. As a self-employed person, I probably could have used that excuse, but if you opt out of the county pool, you get sent to the Federal pool. Most people don't know that. Shorter term, longer drive.

I had my legitimate ticket out...or so I thought.

My brother in law works for the District Attorney.

Off I go to the courtroom with the other 30 or so in my group to await questioning much like the questioning in the DWI case..."Do you have any family members in law enforcement?" "Do you know many criminal attorneys?" blah-blah-blah. The questions never came.

All I see is this hopper with little tickets in it. The first 23 tickets win. I was number 10.

Now, for the next TWO MONTHS, I am on the county grand jury. Deciding if the evidence presented is enough to bring indictment to the accused.

MY ticket out? The DA seemed to address that as if he was looking right at me. If my BIL is a witness in any particular case, then I am excused from that case. I'll be right back in there for the next one.

The hardest part of all of this is not going to be the two days of service per week for the next two months. It is not going to be the hours of testimony and deliberation. I believe in the jury system, and I believe it is my duty as an American to serve.

The hardest part of all of this is that I am not able to discuss any aspect, of any case, with ANYONE, EVER in my lifetime, without the possibility of FELONY prosecution!

So, I can't tell you about the cases, but there are 22 other jurors, a ton of attorneys and others who I am sure I will be ready to mock all too soon.