Merry Christmas to All and to All....

December 24th.

Remember when you were little, Christmas Eve was the most exciting day of the year?

You could barely move with the anticipation of Christmas.

The weeks leading up to Christmas were beautiful music, leading up to a crescendo of magic and memories that only Christmas morning could bring.

Today, every Christmas Carol makes me cry. I teach a religion class where not ONE of 12 seventh graders could tell me the real Christmas Story.

When I was a little girl, Christmas eve was the wildest time you could ever see. Family from all over the globe (which then covered about 35 square miles I figure) came for dinner and through the smoke and spilled beer I learned a lot about dysfunction and love. I miss those Christmases.

Now, they don't sell Rheingold beer any more, and almost every person in every Christmas memory of my youth are celebrating at a table that I have not yet been asked to join. The adult table in heaven I guess you would call it.

So, I try to make memories for my family. Traditions that hopefully they will carry on with their children, and that day, I will sit back and smile...a little.

For the day that the Lord calls me to join his table, joy will fill my heart. And the ones still here will remember me at Christmas.

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies.

Well, I'm all grown-up now,
And still need help somehow.
I'm not a child,
But my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish,
My grown-up Christmas list.
Not for myself, but for a world in need.

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.

And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely wrapped beneath our tree.
Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a hurting human soul.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.

TV for Everybody

If you know me, you know my love of the wierd...the quirky...the outright stupid.

I love the stuff you can't make up.

I love stuff that just makes you shake your head.

I love put downs like this:

"Good luck with your suitcases not catching on fire!" (whatever the hell that meant Emmy!)

And it is with that deep love that I share with you my joy with the new television season....

I am in love with the new show "Pushing Daisies"

That being said - it made me throw up in my mouth just a little bit...

You see, Pushing Daisies made me think of the short lived series "Wonderfalls" which was a little show about a girl in a Niagara Falls gift shop who the souveniers talked to.

That made me think of a number between five and seven.

That made me think of novel ways to make money if you don't want a job.

That made me think of online live porn.

That made me throw up a little.

But back to the show...

If you haven't watched already, you must start. But before you do, you must go to ABC.com and watch the two you have missed. Both the Pie-lette and the second show lay the groundwork for what you are watching.

Basically, Ned touches people, brings them back to life for one minute, finds out who killed them, then touches them again and they stay dead. But it is much more than that.

It is what Lemony Snicket would be like if his characters ever had a good day.

It is Willy Wonka without that freakish boat scene.

It it Tim Burton, and Danny Elfman without Jack and Sally.

It is the best show of the new fall season...

Watch it. Or Else. It's on in 1 Day, 8 hours and 53 minutes!

Oh yeah, I will be dedicating this blog to television for the next few posts. Unless I see something stupid in the meantime.

Literary Masterpieces (or when McGraw/Hill meant quality)

I'm an eclectic sort of music lover.

My (nameless)I-pod has music from all genrés. From Willie Nelson to Led Zeppelin from Jimmy Dorsey to Nickelback.

Remember the days when you could quote a love song and make it yours? Lyrics were like poetry. I loved listening to music, and the words were as good as any Emily Bronté novel. Listening to music could take me away from the place I was. It is through this love of music lyrics that my new XM radio has brought me to new heights of literary disaster.

T-Pain says:
"Oooo she made us drinks, to drink We drunk 'em, (Got drunk)

Tim McGraw and Faith Hill tell me:
So I need you...Like a needle needs a vein...
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost

Yep, nothing says love to me like a guy who needs a shot of whiskey, a cigarette and a hit of smack before he loves me. I won't even go into the religion lesson about how the Father and Son ARE the Holy Ghost...

Now I just can't let McGraw & Hill off the hook that easily...they have also brought us this literary masterpiece: If I could grant you one wish I’d wish you could see the way you kiss...Sorry, that is just freakish! (sort of like Kerri's avatar)

Of course, bad songs are nothing new...remember this one?
I've been alive forever...And I wrote the very first song....I put the words and the melodies together...I am music, and I write the songs.

Saw Barry on TV the other night - he IS as old as dirt! Might actually have written the first song.

I could go on forever...but I would like to leave you all with these ditties

• Hip Hop Marmalade...spic And span...met you one summer and it all began...
• This is why I’m hot...Catch me on the block...Every other day... Another bitch another drop
• I Got Your Slippers,Your Dinner,Your Dessert,And So Much More..Anything You Want,I Want To Cater to you

Have to Admit I like this one though...

We got along until you did that...Now all I want is just my stuff back...Do you get that?

So, what are your worst song lyrics of all time? Let me know, it will tell me soooooooooo much about you (hee hee)

Next Time - how one quirky new TV show made me throw up in my mouth (a little bit)

Password Protected and ready to rumble

9 AM on a Sunday morning, and I am looking at life with a set of eyes that I haven't used in a very long time.

I think about the last time I updated this thing. My life was in turmoil. I was dealing with a lot of things, and handling none of them well. Looking back, I have to say it was one of my darkest winters.

I have learned not to say that things cannot get worse, because they can and do. I have to thank God that they have not.

During the period that my grandmother was dying, I was having a tough time with my mother. For 45 years, I have been the rope in a tug of war battle between two weak women. One who loved out of necessity, the other who loved out of convenience. Each one, needing to be the center of attention, one for the love labor that she took on, the other for the love that she gave up, albeit willingly.

An argument ensued that really should have never happened. When my Grandfather died in 2003, the obituary was written that said he had 4 children, including the grandaughter he raised. It was ok, that is what he wanted. Here we were, four years later, and now it became a problem. Same wording. I made a decision that this was a situation that I did not create, therefore I would not attempt to fix. I knew the love that my grandparents had for me, and that love meant more than whatever would be printed in some newspaper.

As my grandmother took her last breaths, I realized that my life has been shaped by a battle that no one can win. I have been molded by a situation that was not in my control, yet I am the one who has survived. Way more normal than I have any right to be.

For the last 6 weeks I have been going at a pace that would make most women weary. In the last 30 days I have slept in my own bed a grand total of 8 days. And I have thought a lot about my life.

I am married to a man who through it all has loved me with all his heart. To say we don't have our moments would be an understatement, but he is the first one who I want to tell anything, and the last one who I want to talk to before I go to sleep. He loves his children, and is 1000 times more involved in the lives of his children than his father before him.

I have three children who have a love for each other that I don't see in a lot of families I know. They want to celebrate each other's successes, and they want to be there for each other in a time of crisis.

I have friends who I may not see every day, but I believe would come to my rescue in times of trouble.

When my father left, his mother stayed very involved in my life. One of her last good days before she died I asked her how she was that day. Her answer is the life I choose to live.

"I woke up this morning and saw the sun. God has blessed me. It is a great day."

Now it is off to Church for the first full weekend of our new pastor. He's 41 and looks exactly like Steve Carrell. Yes, the 40 year old virgin jokes have already been made.

I still remember the password for this crazy blog, and I am back. And ready to rumble....

March comes in like a lion

I know, I know...

It has been forever since I last updated this blasted thing, I know, but time flies when you are having fun. Actually not much is happening, and I don't feel very funny, so I just didn't update.

December was crazy with preparations for Christmas, and vacation, and working to get my Grandmother's Medicaid application complete and approved.

For Christmas, I made a video for the family out of all of the old pictures I found in my Grandmother's apartment when I cleaned it out. Added music, special effects, and had the premiere at my house Christmas Eve. Not a dry eye I tell you, and it was neat that my Grandmother, who doesn't communicate much anymore, looked at the screen and told us the story of one picture when someone asked where the shot was taken. An Ellis Grey moment of lucidity.

Remember I told you she fell BEFORE THANKSGIVING - look at her face - still all bruised.

This is the full size Boop quilt the kids made her for Christmas. She loves how toasty it makes her feel - she has it on her bed in the nursing home.

December ended with fun and merriment and vacation at Vero Beach.

January started off with a bang. We returned from Vacation on the 1st (really the 2nd by the time we got back in the house), and Katie and I left again on the 5th for her job at Disney. Tax Season started in earnest as soon as I got home, and FINALLY on the 26th, I found out that the Medicaid application had been approved. Baseball registrations, tryouts, basketball games and cheerleading competitions...leave little time for much else.

My Grandmother's health continues to fail, and the nursing home was sold to the outfit that owns the one Tom's dad is in. Hopefully a move for the better. A new doctor came in, and took her off some of her medications. One was an antidepressant, which caused her to sleep all the time. What replaced the sleep is a dementia related paranoia. She is a mess, and we began fighting to get her back on the medication.

What is happening to my grandmother is incredibly sad. She is lost in a world where we can't reach her. When we visit, she tells us she has to tell us something, but just cant, and begins to cry. It happens every visit. I can no longer bring the children, it's too frightening for them to hear her. Something happened to her a long time ago. Something that she would never discuss, and when you suggested it, she would become furious. It happened to her sisters, it happened to her nieces, and we all know what it is. She refuses to admit it to us or her psychologist (who is a childhood friend of mine and who has full authority to tell me what she says).

Or else it never did happen, and she is dealing with some sort of issue where, in a warped way, she wonders why she wasn't good enough for him.

February was a blur with work and work and basketball and baseball and cheerleading and more work. I missed Katie more than I imagined I would, and although she is having a great time, and living large, I haven't reached the place in my life where I am used to the chicks being out of the nest. I figure I have 5 1/2 years to get my shit together.

I ended the month with a visit to Katie. And waited for March.

So March is here, and yes, it came in like a lion. Not the weather mind you, but the storm is brewing.

In a 24 hour period starting March 1, the following things happened:

• The nursing home called and let me know that my grandmother has lost her ability to swallow. I know what this means, I went through this with Tom's mom. Some appointments next week will let us know if this is something medical, or a progression in her deterioration. I am working to make sure all her directives are carried out.


• Katie's car died. She called me, we called a tow, and it is at Gateway Ford in Kissimmee and hopefully they can look at it on Monday. She has all breakfast shifts scheduled, and she has to be to work before the first bus runs.


• Maggie missed making the Honor society by .o32. Yup - you need a 92 average, and she got 91.968. No rounding.


• Katie got hurt at work. Some big guy wrapped his arm around Mickey, and BAM, got it caught on his ear, and pulled him down, and the little person inside ended up with a wrenched shoulder. She is out of costume for a week, so at least the breakfast shift/car issue is gone. Busy work for the next week.

And you wonder why I don't update...but I will post some pics :)